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MORI: Well, THANKS A LOT, JERK!
ME: Jesus, what did I do now?
MORI: You KNOW what you did! You have me perform the first completely unselfish act in the whole damn story, and I get smacked upside the face for it! THANKS a LOT!
ME: All right, I didn’t do it; Fritz did it. And you did steal his drugs. Besides, I don’t see helping Fritz out of the club your first unselfish act, not really. It was your third. Sort of.
MORI: And what were the other two?
ME: When you felt protective toward Frost in the first installment. And when you took notice of the friendship between Frost and Trista…
MORI: Dude, those are thoughts, man! Thoughts don’t count!
ME: They totally count. Thoughts go a long way for establishing empathy and sympathy from the reader. Trust me.
MORI: Heard that before. I’m still pissed. And now I’m the prisoner—a damsel-in-distress, gee, that’s original—of a meta-meth-head! THANKS a LOT! And poor Billy!
ME: Poor Billy?! What gives? I thought you couldn’t stand this guy!
MORI (thinks about it): He’s not so bad…
ME: Well, he’s lucky he’s still breathing. I was going to kill his ass.
MORI: No shit. Really?
ME: Scout’s Honor.
MORI: But why? He hasn’t really done anything yet!
ME: Except nearly kill you…
MORI: Yeah, there is that…
ME: But Admiral Blake talked me down from the ledge. Billy lives to fuck-up another day. Maybe I’ll let him beat the shit out of Fritz…
MORI: Oh, no. Fritz is mine, motherfucker. That little shit! I’m going to beat him bloody!
ME: Gotta rap up this rap…
MORI: Yeah yeah… One last thing. What’s the deal with Trista and the dead guy in the bathroom?
ME: Oh, get bent! I’m not telling.
MORI: Please don’t make her vampire. Please.
ME (singing): Not telling…
MORI: One more last thing! The vote!
ME: Completely wide open. It’ll work fine either way. I’m very pleased with the possibilities of both branches. No leading the reader one way or the other. I am GUILT FREE, babe!
MORI: Except for the damsel-in-distress part. I know you’re guilty about that.
ME: Silence!
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Exit Vector runs weekly on UNDERLAND PRESS
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