Ashtray Chat

The Real Nightmare Before Christmas: Freakin’ Guns


Guns will never go away. Like sharpened sticks or knives or nuclear weapons, guns are a permanent tool in the vocabulary of human violence. “Obey or die” is the dictum of the gun. It remains the weapon of choice for cowards, terrorists, twerps. It’s easy. Just squeeze.


Pop, pop, pop.

I recently survived a short unhappy stint stocking shelves for a major toy retailer which shall remain unnamed—

oh, fuck it.

Anyway, the shelf under my charge looked like this—


Apparently all intended for 13 year old white boys. Look at the packaging! And I counted 15 different models of these evil toys, with names like RAPTOR and REVENGE and RAMPANT. I need to check those names at the nerf site or someplace. But they were all “evil,” you know? Toys named with “malicious intent.” [citation / correx tk]

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Well-coiffed, pimple-free, gleeful with pearly teeth paid for by daddy’s insurance, these fucking white boy brats apparently can’t wait to go pop! pop! pop! at an imagined enemy or foe. There was never a child of color on the packaging of these toys. Not one. I looked. I checked. Nope. Not even even a kid with a mild suntan. Man oh man it made me sick. I had to go throw up first in the FROZEN® then BARBIE® aisles, because I kept seeing one face, again and again.

Adam fucking Lanza.

School Shooting Gunman's Remains

It’s hard to escape Lanza’s zombielike visage where I live It’s hard for me to get Adam Lanza’s face out of my head. The shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown CT on 12/14/12 hit me like 9/11 x Hiroshima x Dachau x 10 which equaled a horror I couldn’t imagine  

Fucked up kid walks into a school. The games he played, the rage he endured, the foes he hated and it all went far faster than pop pop pop, it went off with the rapid fire concussive force of grenades as the angry fucked up white boy wiped out two classrooms of first graders with his wicked cool gun.

Yeah, throwing up in the BARBIE® aisle, I kept seeing this kid, with his wicked cool gun.

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Guns will never go away. This post wasn’t stirred by the creepy packaging in the creepy toy store with the blood laced vomit in the Barbie aisle during a BS low-pay stint during MY FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR around the time of an unhappy anniversary, God, fuck no—

My anger and frustration has been building for a while. The insanity caused by gun violence in recent weeks: the righteous outrage sparked by court decisions in Fergusson and Staten Island, the horror unleashed in Pakistan, the execution of two cops by a fucking nut in Brooklyn Saturday night…

I wanna be Luke Cage. I want to be Power Man. I want to break these fucking handheld cannons of cowardice into so much shrapnel.

But guns will never go away. Like knives, or nukes. We can’t smash the dragon back into the box.

Merry Christmas.

Luke Cage illustration by George Tuska, I think.


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