The Impact Theory is dead? That’s news to me…
All right. A few things.
Despite the absolutely garish “cover design,” see above, and its hideous title, Aliens and Astronauts: UFO’s On the Moon (2014) is a loving documentary regarding the many mysteries of our beloved Luna. And when I say “loving,” I mean it; there is so much Moon porn in this flick, culled from NASA and photographers around the world—frankly, I was fucking beating it…
There are fundamental elements about The Moon that our best scientists simply do not understand. It’s true! The Moon’s size, its orbit, its geological composition—a lot of this shit simply “makes no sense.” Of all the celestial objects and phenomena we’ve studied, whether it be “photographing” Dark Matter and Black Holes, or aiming a puny rocket that actually hit Pluto nearly two decades later, we still don’t understand The Moon. Our closest neighbor. A place we’ve actually visited. She remains a mystery.
That’s why I love Her.
I believe in science, I really do. I want to know how The Moon is in such a perfect orbit, how She perfectly eclipses The Sun. And more. Just because we don’t initially understand shit is not a reason to claim, “Well, it must be God! Or aliens! MAYBE IT’S SPOCK!”
And this film is assiduous in quoting many many many scientists and writers who can only scratch their heads and breathe, “The Moon is fucked up, man.”
Yes She is. Like I said, that’s why I love Her.
So! The documentary goes completely fucking nuts at the end! After making a sustained argument that The Moon is actually an artificial construct parked in orbit around Earth by aliens, we are given this graphic:
FLYING SAUCERS DRIVING THE MOON DOWN THE DOCTOR WHO WARP CORRIDOR! Yup. That’s how She got here.