“Rod, you holding anyone good, man?” [nsfw, 17+]

“Well, who you looking for, kid?”

“The dream girl. I’m still looking for the right dream girl. From a story. Jesus, I come every Monday.”

“Oh, right, you. Hey! Weird cat trying to groove on the feel-bad babes. That’s a special crowd, boy. What’s the matter, kid? The other stories no good? Those sad tragic dames still don’t do it for ya, huh? Huh? Huh punk?”

“She keeps changing. In my head. I keep looking. It’s strange. So, Admiral! What’s the op? You holding any good merch this week or not?”

“I only move quality. But for you? This week, we’re moving some Drax, Simon Drax of the dooom-punk and the Dormammu. First up, whoa, she’s a pistol! Mori Kim Marr from Exit Vector. She’s a handful, tiger! Happy only when blind stinking drunk with the VODKA. Very bad attitude and real, real easy on the mass-destruction trigger-finger, she destroys Heaven by accident, and that ain’t half. Mori’s a pistol. Good price, too. Mori comes for free. Just like death.

photo manip W Ryder by The Creep in the AD 

“Not bad, pops. Who else you got?”

“Ooh, we’re going to have to go up several floors for our next tragic dream story lady, you jazzy brat. Our next girl’s very high maintenance. Gloriana Blitz from DOOMTROOPERS has the weight of a broken world on her bare shoulders! Another big drinker. Daughter of a GOD! Leader of the last kids on Earth! My god, when this girl cuts loose, you’re going to need to run, you’re going to need a bomb shelter. On Pluto.”

illustration by Jo Chen

“She seems a little a bright and loud.”

“Well, yes, she’s a cartoon. But a very heartfelt cartoon, friend.”

“Anyone else?”

“The best. A Saint, touched by God and the whole hot sticky Catholic mess. Catherine Marie Merrin from A Very Fast Descent into Hell.

And the crazy beat behind the counter in the shop of bottled dreams continues, “Catherine from Descent is the best heroine and the best dream girl, because clearly, she’s too good to be true. She really is a Saint, and consequently a little daft in the head, but we’ll get to that. Catherine is generous and brave and heroic and clever and cunning and loyal and she has an exceptional high tolerance for pain. She will not eat the last cookie. She will let you control the remote. She will give you more than her share of the blanket. She will be mindful to never hit or hurt the twitchy weak spots in your flimsy male ego. She has consideration for all, even obnoxious, terrible people nobody likes. There is something wrong with Catherine’s brain.”

He taps his head. “Neurologically. Something wrong. Like a psychopath, only reversed. Catherine can’t shut off the empathy. Her sensory input is like the ocean. She had a difficult childhood. She was massacred on the playground. Her mother was afraid. Her father wasn’t there. Everyone thought Catherine had a learning disability. She stayed inside and read a lot of books. She stayed back twice. It did not help. She decided she would become a Nun and give herself to God. But that didn’t work out, because the world went to Hell, fast! And it was literally in that free fall of total societal collapse that poor chemically-impaired Catherine Marie Merrin underwent a seismic and irreversible change: the girl learned the word ‘No.’ And not just a schism of character, an irreversible before-and-after—no, no, not just that, my young friend—she found a mission. Saint Catherine found a mission. Saint Catherine must slay the Hollow Priest. She must overcome everything, even when all are against her, even when she’s tied and burned at the stake on the first page of this bottled bad dream, later beset by a demon, and finally flung on a slow tidal wave of undying flesh—”

“Hey, heavy! Very Dormammu. How much is she?”

2.99 @ amazon. And the usual joints. But this one…”

“Relax, old man. Sold.”


Yes, it’s only a commercial. Apologies to the Shade of Rod Serling.


One Week Only: DOOMTROOPERS Book 1, FREE at Smashwords through March 10!

Site-wide event. “eBooks for everybody,” or something to that effect. Go get it. Doomtroopers free at Smashwords.

Regular programming shall resume shortly. Probably.


Edit, 4/5/12: Thanks to everybody who took a look, thanks to everybody who gave a shout! The Doomtroopers free event via smashwords was a tremendous success.


Got Doom?

Still on sale now at these fine electronical booksellers: | amazon | Barnes & Noble | smashwords | Diesel ebook Store | Kobo



Doomtroopers now available everywhere

Doomtroopers is now available from the following ebook sellers:

Barnes & Noble

Diesel ebook Store


Borders (Ugh. I know, right? And why is it $3.95?)

I am disappointed to learn that the book was listed but is “no longer available” at the intriguing Female First!

And as ever, super nasty amazon and smashwords central. On lots of reader blogs with links to the above, too. NARY a review, however. Hmmm. “That would never be a hint, you dirty, deviant boy! You too, girl!”


PS: Apologies for the shill. But if I don’t, who will?



In other news, DOOMTROOPERS got a new cover, and a price bump, too

The 99 tag was starting to bug me for numerous reasons. It is now a cataclysmic $2.99. Still cheap. Tell your friends. On sale at the ultra evil amazon, accessed via numerous eye-catching links on this very page. Also available at the frustrating and disappointing smashwords, though I don’t know how much longer.


edit 10/20 I take it back. Smashwords might SAVE THE EARTH.


DOOMTROOPERS—This is not an ad, this is content

And far below…

in the dark roaring depths

in the splintering metal shell of the submarine, Gloriana’s heart boomed like a war drum in her chest, steady and insistent and refusing to yield, a battle cry pulsing in her blood, surging through her, calling her name—as if her name were a secret, a sound she’d never known. It was the voice of her father and yet it was not; it was the hammer of her heart and yet something else. Gloriana. A circle of flame and she was the center. All was lost, she realized. She was free. The world she’d known crumbled, fell away. She gave herself over to the wild foreign rhythm within.

It was a rhythm that commanded her to rise, reaching past Sasha in the wet crashing dark, over the sprawl of bodies and broken equipment to the utility locker and the emergency flares.

The flare ignited with a hot hungry rip, a flame Gloriana held high, stabbing the Control Room with pulses of light. The room was a glossy blur of fire and smoke and what seemed like rain; the deck was knee deep with freezing water.

“SASHA!” Gloriana called. “Level OFF!”

“I’m trying!”

“We’re hulled!” Jack roared, struggling to contain a fierce spray of water. “We’re finished!”

“We’re not hulled!” Gloriana reached down and hauled Clive to his feet. He was badly shaken, nearly paralyzed.

“CLIVE,” she screamed into his face, “AUTO DAMPERS AND HYPER-HULL NOW.” She shoved Clive on his way and she splashed to Jack’s side, the icy water from the breach striking her like a battering ram.

“Looks like this is it!” Jack gasped.

“Maybe,” she hissed, “maybe not. Try Number Two!” Together they tried to turn the N2 pressure valve as the water gushed and sprayed, drenching them both. At the helm Sasha pulled the control grips back; the sub lurched, then seemed to lift, leveling off. Gloriana and Jack strained together with all their might. The yellow metal pressure valve turned with a shriek. The bulkhead rumbled with a menacing groan. Here it comes, Glori thought, ten zillion tons of ocean

Okay, now it’s an ad.




Thank you.



Doomtroopers Kindle Edition On Sale Now

Doomtroopers Kindle Edition

The mighty product description: “The War is over. Earth has lost. Haunted superbabe Gloriana Blitz leads a gang of foul-mouthed Army brats aboard a nuclear submarine in their battle against all-powerful alien invaders that have devastated the planet. DOOMTROOPERS is an action-driven pastiche of anime, manga, and American comic books.”



A Sigil from Sasha to Glori on the eve of her (re)birth

Sasha’s chant, Sasha’s Spell: “Oh, Our Lady of Battles and Sorrows, I offer this Sigil so made for GLORIA DIABOLI (a band from Canada) and so woven by Fenomeno Design as both offering and stain upon the fabric of Earth and Sky and Tall Trees, we call your name, COME TO US, WE CALL YOU, COME TO US, GLORIANA BLITZ!”

And though Sasha set her hair on fire, the Spell was a big success. Man.



Doomtrooper Snapshots, April 2011

(I guess I just wanted to see what it would look like. Now I know.)

Also, I came to a decision re bold pricing. It won’t. Be bold, that is. Just boring old 99.

More to come!



DOOMTROOPERS (the final ebook file is in the house)

Soon. I’m thinking bold thoughts about bold pricing! And other stuff. Almost had a crisis of faith about the cover. Almost.


The Daily Drax Count

Writing Time: 0

Words Written: 0

Yes, that is most depressing. But the guy in the cage next to me, The Creep in the Art Department, reports that he stayed up all night and delivered the job to the AD at 9:15, the design was approved at ten something, final files delivered by three along with an invoice sealed with a kiss. So that gives me hope. Sort of.